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Creating Your Model Of The World
 Everyone creates a model of the world, and, that can be due to differences in neurological, social and individual constraints, everyone’s model is different. Individual language patterns can assist us in determining what some of those differences are. Someone who occasionally says, “Yes I see what you mean,” is giving you a marvelous piece of information about how they are making sense of what they are hearing. Knowing this, you can frame your own language in such a way that you match that person’s model. By using more visual predicates, you can help them to “see” even more “clearly” what you are talking about. By the same token, someone who says, “I don’t quite grasp your meaning,” may respond positively to words that have a feeling rather than an image.
Looking at it from my Angle
One way to think about preferred representational systems is to consider that each system has its own language. This means there are several different languages that are foreign to one another. By being able to understand and speak to a person using their own language, you heighten the sense of rapport between you and pave way for the trust that is very important to any close relationship. Even though a person demonstrates a preference for one of the representational systems, it does not mean that they do not use other systems as well. We all use all of the systems all of the time. However, whether out of habit or in response to stressful situations, or any given area of interaction, most people tend to depend on their preferred system, the system in which they can make the most distinction about the situation and that can change depending on specific conditions around any given experience. By taking note of someone’s reaction and verbal comments to different occasions, for example; when making a purchase, when planning a trip, or in a confrontation you can be better equipped to assist them by speaking in their language in those conditions. They will get a sense that you are on the same wave link as they are (so to speak). By using their method of communication you will notice the other person being more comfortable with you and even begin looking (visual) to you for your input.
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you!”
Very often when there is a dispute between people it is simply that they are experiencing the same thing in different ways, and, sometimes will argue the exact same point with each other not realizing they are actually in agreement. By listening to the predicates and verbs they are using and repeating them back you will be amazed at their responsiveness to you. Usually when someone is speaking they are not able to listen and unknowingly block any other information, especially when it is conveyed in a system they are not identifying with.
Even the most qualified therapist can be ineffective when counseling someone using the best they have to offer but conveying the prognosis in the wrong representational system, and then not understand the lack of success, when in the past they have worked miracles.
“He just doesn’t get me anymore”
For couples the best approach is for the therapist work with both parties, helping each understand how their partner processes information. The advantage of a third party working with both persons involved removes the sensation of one person having the upper hand, especially if they think their words are being monitored and potentially used against them, and using a linguistic trained professional who can perceive issues that may have not been dealt with and causing continuous eruptions over even minor concerns will help the team work more effectively. Clue; When ever the emotion is greater than the event there is an unresolved issue. For example; the meal is not cooked exactly right and the reaction is to the extreme, and the meal is refused, or your arrival is moderately late and is met with a blowup. These are signs that something happened and was not addressed when it occurred and the emotions keeps building because the offended party doesn’t believe they can go back and revisit the original infraction, which in its self may not have been that serious but because it was set or pushed aside in that moment it has brewed into a reason to want to punish over and over.
By identifying unresolved emotions and learning the signs each other expresses when disappointment arises (even in spite of the denial) people can defuse concerns more quickly therefore avoiding future and uncomfortable encounters.
“Look at me when I’m talking to you”
A person’s preferred representational system may influence many aspects of life, including occupational choices. It may even be that the language patterns associated with the preferred system are a significant part of the job itself. Persons who are kinesthetic will be more drawn to physical labor or occupations that are hands on like a cabinet maker, some our best golfers fall into this category, auditory individuals prefer work that requires listening skills, maybe in the music industry or counselors, visual’s make great decorators and landscape architects, auditory digital’s become very effective attorneys, accountants, and any thing that requires an acute attention to detail. Knowing your preferred representational system will give you an advantage in deciding where you can excel. Studies show that the most satisfied individuals are in a job that best exemplifies their most natural communication and skill traits.
“I just can’t see what you’re saying”
Often people under stress will turn to the representational system they trust most. They may even delete other systems from their conscious awareness, thereby limiting their ability to respond. It is tragic because during just those times they need all the sensory input and all the awareness they can get! People coming into therapy who are under great stress in their lives are often extremely limited in their awareness of their problems and in their choices concerning how to behave. It is possible they are blocked by their inability to create new choices and perceptions lie outside the range of the system into which they have retreated. The language of the representation system can work for you in two ways. Besides indicating how a person is making sense of their experience, it can also provide an extremely effective method for gaining rapport with that person.
Learn to listen and parrot your counterparts and you will find a more accommodating response from every situation.
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